Thank you Sao and Venecia for the OP. Thank you Marty for that really wonderful comment.
The further I get in sobriety I forget the pain of day to day living with active drinking. I need to be reminded that it really wasn't fun. I didn't have a social life either. It was me and the bottle and if I was interrupted, I was ungracious and mean. My life is in no way near perfect but it is better.
Keep trying if you haven't quite gotten it. You can stop and stay stopped.