Back again
Hello all. Some of you may remember me, though it is a while now since I was here. I had a long spell of sobriety of almost a year while doing AA which ended a couple of years ago now and since then I've tried to drink and remain sane and frankly fought, as ever, a losing battle. I've had a few dry periods but nothing serious and I have tried a couple of the new routes including some of the drugs that people are experimenting with. Nothing however has worked and I remain on the merry-go-round of drinking a bottle and a half+ of strong wine every night and feeling completely strung out, on edge, anxious and messed up the following day until the next 'fix'.
I struggled with AA as I am an atheist and despite what people commonly say there are times when there is at least a degree of pressure to see the mystical as one's source of support and escape from addiction. However AA has worked for me in the past and has supported me through several long spells of sobriety over my life, mostly I suspect because of the support from other members. There are 'secular' Step interpretations too of course. So I have concluded I stopped going to AA ultimately not because of the spiritual higher power thing but because the booze won, yet again.
My last drink was last night. I phoned an old AA pal this morning and he is meeting me outside the meeting room before the meeting. I have dumped all the booze in the house and texted my partner at work, that I am going to a meeting. She is, and always has been, a great support.
I am not a fall down, shouty off your face alcoholic and never have been, but alcohol has none the less made my life miserable. I have no other choice other than to fight it as best I can. Wish me luck.