Hi Soinlove, coming here was a good thing to do for yourself.
"But truly there's nothing I can do or say to change or alter what he's doing to himself is there ??? His grandfather was a severe alcoholic & ended up committing suicude ... "
^^^^ It is so heartbreaking but there truly is nothing you can do to change him. Just redouble your efforts to take care of yourself and walk your own journey. I remember, as my qualifier was slipping into addiction to meth, thinking, "Wow, we can put men on the moon but we can not change someone's descent into addiction!". This still amazes me.
On the hopeful side, I did leave my qualifier. After a long descent into addiction, dealing and armed robbery, he went to jail for three years. He has now been clean for some 20 years. Perhaps this is codie thinking but I like to think that by doing the right thing and getting out of the way, I maybe-possibly-just-a-teeny-bit helped him hit bottom and eventually get clean. I do know I helped myself which is what really mattered.
Big hug and keep posting.