redatlanta

Aw thanks Lilro! Someone that I love and respect recently wrote me on this subject.

Thing is when the addictions are gone, our expectation is that all will change. xRAH recovered from his drinking relapse 4 years ago. Then he decided to "really" get clean and cease pain management.

That's been a year ago. Now I have the "real" person. The real person is the same person except that the behavior has intensified. There is no longer a substance there that alters the person, nor an excuse as to why that person does, or doesn't do certain things.

The real RAH is selfish and egocentric. Entitled. The real person believes he deserves a life free of aggravation, hardship, or responsibility. There is only two ways to achieve that (to a point). You either have enough money to hire people to handle those things for you, OR you find a person who is willing to take that task on for you (and often times that other person really has no idea WHAT is being assigned to them). One of the things that xRAH said during the discussions of this break up was "You shouldn't have done things for me if you expected something in return. You should do things for someone because you WANT to not because you expect to get something out of it".

He has a point there. Why do we do things for people? Certainly people DO do things for others with intentions that are for a purpose that might be a bit, or a lot, nefarious.

Anything I did, and I did some unbelievable things for him, and I DID expect something in return. Its not a dollar amount its not even an action amount.

I expected equality. That's it. I expected that the things that meant something to me would mean something to him, would be as important to him as his issues, wants, and desires in life were to me. My feelings, my wants, my desires......they have never been a priority to this person. Yet not only were his a priority to ME, they were expected to be. What I got in return for that.......was little. Bad on me for accepting this EVER.

Love is an action word, it is a verb. Its not just something you say. It needs to be demonstrated beyond opening your mouth, and uttering the word, without backing it up in action.

At the end of it all, I have spent 6 years with a person who doesn't know me at all. Really, doesn't have a clue who I am, and was given a hall pass the entire time.

Allowing this to go on is not only horrible and life sucking for me, its really the worst thing I could do for him. The kindest thing I can do for this man is to do what I am doing so he have a chance at standing on his own two feet, picking a path in life that is one of service rather than siphoning, and actually develop some self esteem so that maybe, just maybe, he can finally, REALLY recover. Whether he does, or not is not my business anymore.

Could down to freedom 4 days.