I've always been a bit of a navel gazer - trying to figure out what kind of person I am; why I do this, that, and the other; self-analysing until the cows come home.
However, it has only just struck me as to how inextricably linked my eating behaviours and my alcohol addiction are. I never even identified one as being associated with the other! But of course, they are both addictive behaviours, aren't they?
I struggled with bulimia from my early teens, to early twenties, then quit on my own. I've not gone back to that place since. Never even been tempted. HOWEVER. This afternoon, as I moved into my usual drinking time, I had a sudden overwhelming wave of desire to cram my face full of food and do what I used to do. It hit me like a train as soon as my husband went out for his run. I thought, "Oh, I could get it all done and dusted before he comes back." WHAT THE HELL BRAIN???
I wonder if my drinking has been dampening that other addiction - as I can certainly eat, and not care how much of it I'm consuming, when I'm drinking wine. I also wonder if now the booze is gone, my body is craving a new rush, and I did get that from the ED (that will sound very odd to people that haven't experienced it, but there is definitely an almost drug-like rush from purging).
Google also tells me that people that suffer from ED often go on to have problems with alcohol. I never knew that! So, I had two alcoholic parents; a mother with an ED; I had an ED; and throw childhood trauma in there as well. I reeeeeallly should never have touched alcohol in the first place, right?
Hmmm....anyway! There I go navel gazing again! Interesting these little discoveries we make along the way though
