Deereynolds - if you need help please consider calling one of these crisis numbers:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
I know how desperate it can feel when you don't want to get high but don't want to live either. It's a very lonely place - but it is not the end.
I was there 25 years ago - and even with its ups and downs and continuing addictions I am glad now to have a further 25 years to my credit, and coming up to ten years in recovery.
Please don't lose heart - there is life after addiction - a good life - and there is always hope...always
D