DNM13

I figured after 3 months sober I might actually have made some progress with my anxiety and opening up to people in general. Well today, I was called on to speak at a meeting. It was one where you have to go up and talk in front of a podium. I walked up to the podium and got about one sentence out before I legit panicked. My mind went blank and I had to do the walk of shame back to my seat because I couldn't come up with anything to say.

When I got back to my seat I was shaking and sweating. I have been going to a lot of meetings and have never seen anyone do that. It sucks because I have seen so many people come into the meetings, with less clean time than me, make friends, social contacts, and just be generally at ease with themselves. It seems I am incapable of this no matter how hard I try. I try going to meetings early and talking to people, but usually I get discouraged and end up sitting by myself waiting for the meeting to start. When I do talk to people, unless the other person is completely carrying the conversation, I can't think of how to keep the conversation going, and just end up evacuating. I can't even open up to my family or even my therapist. I feel like I am completely ****** and will never get through this.