I too had or have that guilt thing going on. I have been married 5 times. My first wife and I got back together after 20 years apart. She was the same person and so was I . After a lot of drinking and drugs which I was supplying I could not stand her anymore and was trying to get her to move. After about a week of craziness , I came home an hour late from work 7/3/01 and found her hanging in my bathroom. She was dead and I felt it was my fault. You can't control other people. It's hard enough to control ourselves. Time will help your feelings. This certainly wasn't your fault, it was an accident. I'm sure your boyfriend loved you! Tom