Nice going on not drinking the wine!!!! Your right; drinking to relieve stress is no way to live but the stress is still there. The simple answer is to dig deep, find your personal power and fight through it and their is some truth to that. Sometimes you have to rely on your own determination to survive, but in my experience, it ends up not being enough. I needed more to deal with the stress you are dealing with. How to do this depends on personality and availability. If you have friends and family, use them as a resource. AA and other programs can help a lot. I work my butt off at the gym. I try to find sober things to do. I know stress can be all encompesing (sp). It becomes easy to just keep focusing on the stress and the causes of it keeping you in an emotional and physical box that keeps you closed to the many ways to deal with it. As much pain and fear your dealing with, the fear of getting out of it can be tough. Gotta kick your butt man, and push yourself to move beyond the box your in. Try new things. Try AA, etc., try windsurfing, rock climbing, grow a garden, snorkel, diving, go to a movie even, go to a concert etc. Someone at work told me to just stick my middle finger up in my pants at people that were giving me a hard time. A little of this, a little of that helps to relieve stress. Make a plan. "I will stick my middle finger up (not obvious) to the next person that ticks me off. On Thursday, I will go nuts at the gym or walk around the park. On Friday, I will go to a movie. Pick a f##t it day and do anything you want. Sounds like silly stuff, but I dealt with a high stress job that nearly killed me. Life is too short man. Gotta take care of yourself. You don't want to wake up in 10 years with a lot of regrets. Fear of change for people like us can be deadly. Right now, I'm planning on dumping every thing I'm used to to try a different life. Giving up an unhealthy comfort for a promising yet hopeful discomfort. John