Congrats on your clean time.
When I got clean, I was diagnosed with a few chronic conditions (some incurable). My sister died from cancer when I was 14 (she was only 22). Several of my friends had died from overdoses and and suicide due to addiction, and my mom landed unresponsive in icu due to a stroke. I didn't think putting down the drugs or alcohol would help, because death and illness was all I saw.
One day I sat in an NA meeting and the topic was "resent, anger, and fear". I felt such a relief. I felt less alien and alone. They hit so many of the issues you and I been through Shenzy. It won't happen over night, but things get better. I had to practice staying out of my head and not playing doctor.
I don't get too deep with my therapist or sponsor most of the time (I focus on steps and behaviors), but they allow me to share honestly with out judgement. I listen for information, and take baby steps to improve. I believe venting is helpful at times, so know it's okay in the beginning. I no longer have panic attacks, mood swings, or go to bed thinking I won't wake up. Falling asleep was scary in the very beginning of sobriety; but all my doctors are telling me I'm doing great. It was well worth not picking up a moment at a time.
I pray that if I do fall in I can keep my peace and serenity. Sometimes when sleeping and eating are off I still bump my head with these issues but things are much better.