Originally Posted by
jojo82 
Sneaking drinks is something he does not control. It is compulsive and part of the disease.
You said it - there is nothing shocking about it at all!
Love and tolerance is our code.
I'd say "Love and tolerance" is the code of all of us when we stay in a relationship with an alcoholic; "Love and detachment" is the code of folks who get off the ride.
. . . . and I'm not sure that the love in "Love and tolerance" is really love . . . more like fear, habit, and fantasy . . . and perhaps avoiding looking at our own rooster-poop. I think the one time I truly loved someone was when I walked away from my qualifier. It allowed him to do what he needed to do: become an addict. My leaving respected this.
. . . and for any of you who stay in contact with your qualifier, I do get it. Leaving was absolutely dingdangblasted painful even though there were no kids involved and we didn't even live together.