Dandylion, yes you're right. It's like a tide coming in all the time. At times it feels like I can't breath and I think "How on earth am I going to make it and what's the point with life now that he's gone? ". And it goes on like that. But then I think that I have my son and it becomes easier for the moment until it starts over again.
I've tried doing the wailing wall, but not the writing though. It felt good to say things I would like to say to him. I got really mad at my AH while doing this. One thing I told him was how he could say: "If anything happens to me, you have to go on". When he was alive I asked him why he said that and he told me that you never know what might happen, you can get hit by a bus or whatever. But now I know he was doing drugs, and he was well aware of that too and the fact that he could die doing it ,when he said that. How selfish isn't that? Did he think of me at all? He couldn't have had any intention to stop hid addiction. So, so mad. I let all my feelings out doing the exercise.