Precious - you sound a lot like I did a couple of years ago. I was depressed, feeling worthless, unloved, and alone. I don't know how you feel about it, but have you thought about AA or some other face-to-face support? Also getting back into therapy could really help. Like others said - forced sobriety is unlikely to work. You have to take some action on your own, to help you learn to live life a different way. I'm about your age - 53, and I can honestly say I am now starting to like myself and I feel a peace I never thought possible after 2 years of sobriety and working on myself using the steps of AA and other self-esteem raising methods.
You said coming here might not be the right thing for you - it absolutely can be. Read posts from people who have some good sober time and you will see that even the most desperate of us can and did come to a place where not only does life seem worth living, but also a place of peace and happiness.