Hi Everyone,
Just wanted to write a note and vent .... so sorry for the big long winded story, just need to get this all out.
I've been a red wine drinker now for pretty much 20 years (apart from a wee break when I was pregnant with my 2 children).....usually managed to keep it to a bottle of wine a night .... sometimes it escalated into 2 (if it was the weekend) .... with a few ciders thrown in there...
This all started when my dad died 22 years ago and them my mum died 5 years later (I'm 45).
(wish I'd known then what I know now) .... I became very very cancerphobic and terrified that I was going to die .... I'm a massive hypochondriac and have had more tests than you can shake a stick at over the past 20 years.
The only relief I got, was to self sooth with my old friend the red wine.....was the only few hours of peace my head would get away from the constant terror of dying....this anxiety has been with me for the past 20 years of my life....
It's no way to live.
A few years ago, my Dr prescribed me Sertraline ..... ace !! Side effects were hell (made the anxiety even worse....didn't realise it could get worse, I cut back on the wine a wee bit while I was taking the meds for the 1st coupe of months) .... but after a couple of months - the anxiety was almost gone, felt great ..... back to normal drinking habits & taking sertraline .... (very very very bad combination) .....
Got myself in a very vicious circle.....anxiety would be under control - but bottle or 2 of red everynight would soon undo any good that the meds were doing ..... basically meds were doing nothing .... apart from putting a hellish strain on my internal organs, having to deal with all this stuff I was putting into myself.
I've been beating myself up very badly about all this and decided that I really had to do something about this ..... the anxiety was being fuelled by the wine and the sertraline was doing nothing at all......
So, 31st Dec was my last wine .... today is day 5 of being sober (yah ... ) but also day 5 of Sertraline trying to get back into my system ....
Lots of lower abdominal pain (of course with hypochondria, it's tumors of some sort ..... not just inflammation
), and has already been checked by the dr .... (Ultrasound scan / bloods etc...all normal).
So, here I am, in a right mess .....
Why oh why do I keep doing this to myself .....
So sorry for venting.....thanks for reading.......
