kgr103110

I'm on day 3 now, and this is my second serious attempt to quit.

The first time, I convinced myself after about a month I didn't have a TRUE problem. It's all about self control, I didn't REALLY go through withdrawal, if you can't moderate then you're weak, blah, blah, blah.... these are the things I started telling myself.

Well, I'm definitely experiencing a physical withdrawal, and I'm willing to admit that to myself now. Symptoms:

- Cold sweats, nights sweats, clammy skin
- Fogginess
- Tired, but can't sleep soundly
- Jumpy
- Weepy
- Feels like my heart beats too fast
- Nightmares: Last night I had a dream that my family and I were about to get hit by a tsunami. We had to run, but everyone wanted to stop and pack a bag. I started screaming that they were crazy and we were going to die. They were all so calm and told me that I was overreacting. It was scarier than it sounds written here lol

My point is... I'm glad it happened because it's sort of like a "fool me once, shame on you... fool me twice, shame on me" situation.

At first I felt like a failure, then I was just sort of... defeated. Now, even though I physically feel like crap, my situation seems clearer to me. Perhaps it's that proverbial "moment of clarity"? I don't know.

Thanks everyone.