. I wasn't ready to make the big decisions but now I must for her. I am meeting with a woman who runs our local alanon group and who is also a very good friend to our family today. I need guidance with boundaries and a step by step plan. I have been married for 20 years to an alcoholic. I now believe he's been an alcoholic the whole time with periods that were better managed than others. Why didn't I see, why didn't I trust myself, why do I still doubt my judgment? I have learned to detach over the last two years its the with love part I am having trouble with.
I can relate to the above- I am just starting to get my confidence back- trusting my decisions more and more. I still make mistakes, but I doubted my judgments all the 33 years I was married because he seemed to manage quite well at times- and also he lied and hid his addiction.
I left in May 2016. best decision I ever made. Going to Alanon helped. This SR Forum is excellent. Also certain books were very very, helpful to me- Toby Rice Drews- Getting Them Sober, Craig Nakken's book on addiction, and Twerski's book on addictive thinking. Joanna Hunter's book, Maybe He'll Change was also extremely helpful after I left. I get the most help out of books. Another very good book that is out of print is Living With a Problem Drinker by Gary Forrester- I got it at the library. That book helped me the most. It gave me a step by step plan and some cl;ear advice. Too bad it is not in print anymore.