Originally Posted by
LexieCat 
Maybe if you present the therapy as a way to get strategies to improve the dynamic, mom would be open to that. IOW, make it clear this isn't about digging up who did what wrong, it's about figuring out how to raise a happy, healthy daughter who seems determined to be her own worst enemy. It's about putting together a game plan that will be consistent, to the extent possible, across two households.
I feel for you--my older son was one bundle of challenges, from the time he was about 6 until he was into his 20s. He's doing VERY well now, but it's been a rollercoaster at times. He had social anxiety and depression and went through a very self-destructive stage. I'm very proud of him today, but man, there were times when I was sure disaster was just around the corner. (Actually, there WAS at least one semi-major disaster, but we made it through--a couple of other close calls where he lucked out.)
You hit the nail on the head: She is her own worst enemy. She makes her life harder by being so contrarian to everything that is asked of her. It befuddles me because I'm the type of person who just does stuff when asked because it's easier than arguing or fighting about it. I like peace. She does not, apparently.
I often wonder what I signed on for, but she really wasn't this explosive when we first started dating. This rebellion is really just the past 2 months or so. She's always had a bit of a temper and she could be whiny at times, but this anger and aggression seems to be coming from somewhere and the bf and I just aren't sure where it's coming from.
I'm tempted to suggest that we keep his youngest for 80% of the time and just let mom have her every other weekend or something because I truly believe she needs consistency and boundaries and schedules and I don't think mom is keeping to any of that. Maybe the holidays just threw everybody off?
I do know that their school schedule has been weird. They had a week of 1/2 days (out before noon), then they had 2 weeks off, and now next week they have a study at home week with assignments from teachers. The kids have been bounced around a lot more these past few weeks because we all have to work. Some days I'm flexible and can help out, but most days he's in charge because his schedule allows it and mom can't watch the kids much so she asks us to take them at the last minute when she can't get approval to work from home, etc. I don't know.........I just know that she's 'different' and it's really only been since early November that I've noticed it.