SoDev, Visiting the physical place where AH is would make you feel close to him again, I truly believe. You will be amazed how when you have a conversation with him and speak out loud to him you will, in your mind, be able to "hear" what he would say back. He loved you SoDev, I believe that. I believe he would tell you that and say he is sorry. That this is not how he wanted it to go. I feel that is how all of our addicts/alcoholics feel. I feel that once you are able to accept that he did not intend this, you can walk through life with him by your side. When Aaron does something new, say "AH, did you see that?" or "AH he smiles just like you." Just as if he is there with you and you're telling him directly.
Do not be embarrassed to cry out to him, yell, plead, forgive, whatever you have to do - even in public! People go to grave sites to do this all the time. It is about what YOU need now. This is a very very raw time for you. The healing will come once you begin to get those feelings outside of you, into the universe, into the sky where he is listening.
I am praying hard for you, SoDev. We are here for you always!
Last edited by hope778; 12-30-2016 at 05:48 AM.
Reason: typo.