Originally Posted by
drash11 
Thank you Dee74,
When I went to AA I felt contempt for the people there. I really cant say why. Like I felt I was better than them, and they were really naïve to buy into all this 'humbly ask God for help' business.
I think that's why I failed. I just couldn't surrender. I know I have this problem so why cant I surrender? I'll have to contemplate that.
So.. I'm going to give AA another try. 90 meetings in 90 days even if it kills me. I can't complain if I don't at least try right?
Dear readers, please don't be offended for what I've just written about AA. I know it's helped millions. I'm the egotistical know it all who's still a drunk.
Peace
Lol. Don't worry. That's just normal. If you stick around and listen, you'll find that most people felt just that way then they first started as well. My ego definitely still wanted to run the show for a long time when I first went to AA - although somehow I managed to not drink, I wouldn't have said I learned much. For some people it takes a relapse, others (like me) getting to the stage that everything seems so hopeless that there is finally no other option.
Just remember, attending meetings is not the program in itself Honest - I sat in meetings for 6 months waiting for the sober fairy to come sprinkle me with her recovery dust. That was never gonna happen. When they say "it works if you work it", the clue is in the repetition. In any AA literature, if a word is repeated, that has been done intentionally. Bill W did not like using the same word more than once, hence some of the unusual words and phrases in the BB, even for his era. So if thee word work is there twice in one sentence, it's because we need to do just that.
So. I finally realised that I needed to stop sneering, and start working. If i needed to get 'stupid' for this stuff to work for me, then so be it. I was finally willing. Willing to do the work. Willing to change my thinking (even if actually, as a pretty bright button (hahahaha) I couldn't see how that could really be my problem).
Nowadays I think of AA as stool. If i want the program to keep me safe and secure, I need all three legs of the stool to be firm. Recovery, Unity, and Service. It isn't by accident that those three words are on the symbol for AA. There is the 12-step program (Recovery) . There are the meetings and extended support (Unity). And there is getting off our butts and doing stuff for others that we could easily get away with not doing (Service) - and you don't need an official service position or sponsor to be doing service. Turn up early and put some chairs out, help with the coffee, empty the bin at the end - and while we're doing service something quite unexpected and magical start to happen - we start to see past our fear and ego, which is often at the root of our contempt and inner-sneering towards others. If you don't believe me, just try it for a few weeks and see for yourself.
Anyway. That turned into a longer response than I'd intended, so sorry for the ramble.
Glad you made if back, and wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB