healthyagain

I have not been writing on here for some time, but it is not that I forgot this place. I have so much to say, but cannot find the right words. But in short, when I left my ex, that literally saved my life. Right now, I am going through a phase of numbness, but not in a bad way. When I think about the past, and what I've been through, it makes me numb, but I also started admiring myself for what I've done and the courage that came out of only God knows where.

My feelings have also been transformed, from grieving the marriage, to being happy that I got out of it and that I did not lose more time. Ten years is bad, but it could have been 20.

I have reconnected with my family and I keep reconnecting with old friends. It feels as if I used to be chained, because everything was about my ex, and I became his caretaker and life support, sacrificing everything and everybody for him. And now when I look back, I even have no idea what exactly I saw in him. And why?

I like being single more and more, each and every day. I have no desire to date and look actively for a partner, but I also started feeling that if I meet a handsome hunk today, I will not exactly run away screaming. So that part of me is not dead yet, and I am happy that the ex has not destroyed that part of me completely. I am still able to love (or to be more precise, to be attracted by men). And my greatest dilemma at the moment is what kind of sofa to get. Do I want a sofa, or do I want a reclining sofa, or perhaps a sectional? And then the question, what color to get?

I enjoy being bothered by such trivial things, such normal little things. I feel like I am part of the world again. And I can breathe again.