I've been there. I quit and started again countless times. I was going to make New Year's Eve 2013-14 my last night of drinking, but got so hammered on Christmas Eve that I sucked a few on Christmas and one more the next day to take the edge off and that was that. Instead of doing New Year's, I hid out. I kind of disappeared for a month or so and just read and meditated and made a recovery plan. When I emerged from my whole of angst and anxiety and bewilderment I was afraid to tell people I had quit. I didn't want to be a failure in my own or others' eyes yet again. Then I just kind of avoided drinking scenes for a bit. Little by little people started realizing I wasn't drinking. I kept meditating. I went to some AA meetings that made me want to get drunk. I learned to avoid them, too. But I made friends on SR, and eventually braved playing music in the old bars where I used to play - but I no longer drank. I still don't drink. I was just sick of it. Sick of hangovers and feeling like crap and wondering who I had pissed off. Sick of feeling like a loser.
But it can be done. Now with 3 years under my belt I plan to go to a party this Saturday - I'll be sober and I'll be fine with it. People will try to get me to drink and I'll just laugh. If I can do it after decades of drugs and drunkenness, anybody can.
But make a plan. I poo-pooed the spirituality thing in AA, but they were right about needing spirituality. For me it has nothing to do with God. I needed a practice. Meditation became my practice. It's what I did when I had cravings. It's what I did when I was in pain. It's what I did when the self-loathing would rear its ugly head. And it's what I do now to reduce my own suffering and to wish for the suffering of all beings to cease. And I act on it.
You'll find your path. You'll find your mojo. Hang in there. Visit the forum when you're tempted if that helps. Peace...