Liz. I know you don't feel it's your 'job' to parent her. But consider what it is like from a child's perspective. When she is at her dad's you are the mother figure in the home. So, whether you like it or not, you are sort cast into a parent-type role. And as long as you are living under the same roof, I don't know how you can escape that. Maybe this is what you are trying to figure out and I don't envy you one bit. Ever see that movie "Step Mom", with Julia Roberts, Susan Suranden, Ed Harris? It's a good one.