Codependency?
Had a convo with my mom over Xmas that irritated me. In fairness, as I've explored my patterns in life, I've learned that much of my codependency was learned behavior by how she dealt with the world. So perhaps I'm judging too harshly. (I should say I adore my mom, just not in this area.)
Her story on how men and women communicate differently:
Husband (H) and Wife (W) driving in car, H driving:
W: Would you like some ice cream?
H: No, I don't think so. (Doesn't stop, goes home)
W is upset because she wanted ice cream.
My mom says that's a male/female communication difference. I said it's a wife who doesn't feel that it's okay to have her own want, so she's subtly trying to get her needs met by seeing if HE wants it, so she can have it too. By not speaking up for herself and later being mad she's trying to manipulate him into stopping for her--that's not a communication style, it's a behavior that's not okay.
My mom does that ALL THE TIME. Though she doesn't get mad if she can't have it, just quietly disappointed that her needs go unmet. I learned those patterns and I think it was disastrous in my relationship with abusive XAH.
Anyway, she disagreed with me and said it's mostly a difference in how men/women communicate. That men are direct and women aren't, and we need to learn to understand the differences.
I was just curious what my fellow SR members would think of her assertion.