I can't move into the apt in the shop because that is where all of the drinking happens. He is a old farm boy, who gets off work at 8am every morning (midnight shift) and goes to the shop to get his first beer. He and his friend have set up a bar in the shop, and if the big garage door is open it's a sign for anyone who wants to stop by and have a beer or twenty.
He spends his days doing chores in the shop, and around the property and then goes to bed around 5pm. He gets up at 11pm, leaves for work at 11:30pm, and Groundhog Day starts over.
I used to sit in the shop with him, sometimes drink with him, and partake in this cycle. Over the last year, I have stopped. When this madness escalated Sunday morning of this week, I was in the house getting ready to go to Christmas #4 at my daughters while he was in the shop slamming beer hot and heavy because he knew that he would have a few hours in a situation that he couldn't drink so much without someone noticing.
Christmas #1 and 2 I went to alone because he was sleeping for work (#1) then worked overtime (#2). #1 and 2 were Both my family celebrations. I asked Saturday afternoon to specifically spend time with him Sunday, since he missed these two. We went together together to his family (#3) Saturday night. He was drunk by the time we got there, and it just keep going. He was argumentative with other family, stumbled all over the place, kept bullying family members abt past situations (he tries to be funny), became belligerent abt leaving to come home. I drove the hour home, while he had the same conversation the entire way...Groundhog Day again. He kept trying to hold my hand, touch me, etc.
Saturday night he passed out on the couch, and as usual came to bed early Sunday morning. I asked again Sunday morning for him to spend time with me that night...like a date. We talked abt dinner, a possible movie, etc. then he got up to do chores and head out to the shop.
At noon I asked him to come inside and help me get ready for the final Christmas. He did not come in, so I was pretty annoyed and let him know on the way to my daughters that I felt like we were headed to a bad place. I reminded him of the date that night, asked him to be responsible abt the drinking that day, and left it there.
He left my daughters before I did, because he was ready to go. Another family member gave him a ride back to the house. He started inviting people out to the shop, and then texting me wanting to know where I was. An hour later I come home to find he and his friend in the shop, drinking. A couple hours after this, he come inside and I ask abt the date that I know isn't happening. He starts to argue, tell me I always ask to spend time with him on bad days, how he hates Christmas, how if he's just in the shop drinking it's no big deal...because he's not at the bar and I know where he is. He passes out on the couch. Upon waking he wants another beer, and I tell him he should just go to bed. The comment, the slap and the fight ensues. I'm pretty skilled at this rotten scene, and know if I can just get him near the bedroom he will just lay down and pass out in the bed. It usually means that he will at least stop drinking for the night.
The skills are just getting him to the bed, not the fight. This is only the second physical fight we have ever had. The first was a couple weeks ago when "forced" him to leave the shop and go to the house to go to bed. It wasnt even a fight, but he's a hell of a lot bigger than I am and it involved some force on my part to keep him headed to the house. This time he was already in the house, so I'm thinking it won't be that hard to get him across the living room to the bedroom, and then shut the door. Not so much. This is where the full on fight ensues, after the slap. He is very angry, and screams obscenities all the way back out to the shop.
I gave it a bit, went out and apologized. Another fight ensues. He tells me to leave, again. I go inside thinking I can try to wait it out until morning.
In the morning, he's still sitting on the barstool in the shop. I apologize again, and ask him to just come in the house and go to bed. He tells me to leave, again. I ask for an hour to get as much of my stuff as I can from the house, and then I'll be gone.
I packed clothes and left. He did not try to contact me anymore, has not asked abt where I am, or tried to seek me out.
Tuesday morning I stopped at the house to get a few items I absolutely need. I'm looking for my glasses, I need a pillow and towels, and my winter coat. I dropped off his checkbook. I ask to talk. He tells me he has no desire to talk, and I need to leave. He then tells me the animals need fed and he has chores to do and leaves the house for the shop.
I'm so hurt. I'm so confused. If I'm home, he is in the shop drinking. When I leave, he goes in the house to drink. He has not once asked where I am this week.
I spend most of my week alone due to our schedules. I wake up alone, get ready for work, and may see him for a few minutes in passing before heading in to town. I work til 6 or 7, depending on customers at the store. He is usually in bed by 5, or 6 at the latest. I come home to spend the night by myself. I try to go to bed abt 1030, because he gets up at 11. It gives us a few minutes sometimes to talk abt the day, the store or whatever. He is up and getting ready at 11, leaves for work at 1130. We literally have two days a week that we see each other, and he religiously spends those days in the shop with his friend getting *********.
I tried to explain that I just want to see him. I just want to spend time with him. That when I'm home and he's home we should do something together, not sit in the shop and drink. He says my expectations are too high, I want things to be perfect, and this is just the way he is. It's the way his dad was he says. There's nothing wrong with it.
Sorry abt the novel. Just trying to give more detail. Or maybe just trying to justify that I'm not crazy.