Mera, darl - I second any / all of what others have said.
And a little one of my own: from what I understand of you, you're perhaps a bit like me - in that you can sort of 'feel' the emotional currents swirling around in that kind of situation. Some schools of thought even call it emotional triggers - which can be overwhelming for anyone, not just those trying to stay sober. You probably know already that these triggers can manifest first in the body - the thoughts 'about' what's going on come a bit later. They can be quite primal, in a sense, hence so hard to catch straight away.
I think that's why most suggestions involve you literally moving away, physically - taking time to identify feelings in the belly, throat, etc etc and practice your breathing or whatever other self-soothing / centring techniques will help bring you back to a place where you can actually do the mental detaching.
Probably sounds a bit garbled, but I suspect you know what I'm trying to describe.
thinking of you, luv
Vic