Happy Wednesday All! My little nasty starving AV has been a little chatty Kathy today. All the usual lies. When I first came to this site, I wasn't sure if I was actually an alcoholic. I knew I drank a lot, too much, but I wasn't convinced I actually had a problem. I have a problem. No non-alcoholic thinks of drinking everyday. No non-alcoholic dwells on drinking this way or wishes their brain had an off switch for their AV. Jeezus. I've come to think that overcoming this addiction is the second hardest thing I've experienced in life (second only to losing my son). Some days are good, and drinking is only a passing thought. Some days are like this one, a sort of obsessive mental anguish. I will not drink today. If I do not feed the addiction it will slowly die and as it gets weaker, I get stronger.......even so I figured I'd rat out the thoughts, remain accountable.
Camery-Good on you for putting yourself first. You know yourself better than anyone else so if this is the best decision for you at this point in time, then so be it! It's no fun feeling like you're disappointing people....but ultimately it's their problem, not yours....don't buy into the guilt.
Jo-I don't think your going bonkers
But if those are the symptoms, I will join you on the crazy train. Thoughts of drinking, the past, regrets, feelings of anxiety & fear and an overall mixed bag of confusion creep up on me also. My main defense.....being present. Choosing to stop the thoughts (as best I can) and focus on the here and now. I often find myself asking, "what can I do to enjoy this very moment more"? Sometimes its as simple as opening the sun roof while driving, turning on some music, lighting a scented candle, or taking a warm bath. Sometimes its stealing away for a couple of minutes and meditating, just me and my breath. At other times it's distractions; a crossword, reading, urge surfing or working out. Whatever you can do to keep your mind in the here and now. So the saying goes, " Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present." -Bil Keane A little cheesy, I know.
Well off to take my own advice and get this AV monkey off my back.....hope the little &^*%$# can swim cause I'm off to draw a bath
