Thank you all for your feedback, help and good advice, i really appreciate it.
Lady - I don't wish to feel superior i suppose it would mean to me that i would know and more the person i am married to and the feelings/ consideration they have for me. To me if you love someone and are married to them you don't do that whether you are an alcoholic or not. I know their brains are wired differently but do they not know what they are doing when drunk? I know that i am no angel in life but Ive been out and got very drunk and never considered not coming home. I totally agree it is exhausting to worry about someone all the time and wish for peace/ stillness in my mind
Maud - i dont know if she had been incontinent or not, that was her explanation for the reason why her clothes were wet and she had a pair of her sisters trousers on. All i know is that she has never been before it or since. Your right it definitely is progressive, i have been thinking back a lot recently to when it all started and i have no idea. Maybe that's because it was always there, but in smaller amounts.
Anvil - Thank you for you good advice and wise words. I guess i have only held it for 4 years (even though that has only come to the forefront recently) as until now i have never told another person and was just wanting opinions on the matter as to how it would seem to them. She has been able to talk to her sister about it ,mainly to ask what happened as she cant fully remember. She has always tried to belittle the fact that i am bothered by it and thinks that i should not be. I do agree that i need to focus my attention on myself for the enforceable future and that is what i plan to do. i have told her that this will be happening and to be honest that i believe that she should focus solely on herself so she can heal.
I do feel a slight amount of closer to the fact that i have been able to let it out to someone.