When I found that my "helping" SonnyBoy was really only for me..that's when I decided to stop. I couldn't continue to help him financially..so I thought that as his mom...emotionally was all I had left. But even that in the end was really only for me. I had done my job. I got that child from babyhood to adulthood. I had done my best to see that he knew right from wrong. That telling lies would only come back to hurt him. That the best way to get from point A to point B was a straight path.
He decided to stray from that path. It wasn't an indication that I was a bad mother. Nobody was pointing fingers and saying that if I had done more then he wouldnt have turned out the way he did...except him. In my worst moments as his "protecter" I could feel myself being sucked in to his vortex of pity, self loathing, anger and oh so much more. Yes, he tried the emotional blackmail with threats both veiled and outright. I decided that I wouldnt give in and pulled myself back time and time again. Did I stumble? Of course. I would find myself missing my son so I would go see him and before long..the tears started..the "where did I go wrong"s....but you know what...I didnt go wrong. I have never in my life picked up a joint. I have never drank so much that I didnt know what I was saying or doing. I have always been able to say NO to too much of anything. Does that make me or you or any of us on this site Bad or Heartless? NO. It means that when enough has been taken from us..when enough middle of the night phone calls come..we can say Yes I love you, No I will not continue to support you or your habits, Yes I really do care about what happens to you and God Yes..I want the best for you. But....and this is a biggie....BUT..I care about my self as much if not more. That is the point where you begin to live again. That Ah Ha moment when you realize that though you love them..your love can't save them from themselves...that you really start the letting go process.
Sorry...off my soapbox now.
Love to each of you wherever you are in your travels.