I'm sitting here tonight with a lot of thoughts. I'll hit 50 days in a day or two and I'm grateful to have those days. There's a part of me that is so scared of picking up again and going back to the sad life I had before. Maybe falling even deeper down than I had. I'm always thinking of things to add to my plan but when that intense craving hits, it is so hard but I've gotten through many of them. It's funny because I almost want to cry because I have hope again but there's that little voice that says that I'm not strong enough for this, and that I don't deserve anything good so just go back and drink. That voice tells me that I've failed at everything that I've ever tried to do and this won't be any different. To that voice, I say shut up and watch me. I always have a tendency to worry about the future when I should indeed just take it one day at a time. I'm really doing so much better since I have started to come back here more often and seeing my therapist. I can do this. It's just that I need to have more faith that I can. Even if sometimes I think that I don't deserve this, that's something to work on but my son most definitely needs me at my best and I'll do it for him.