Hi Pebbles. You do know you don't have to live like that, right? I know sometimes in our heads sobriety just seems like it's too much work...but it's not. It's not nearly as bad as we make it out to be. The addiction will always come after us saying "I'm tougher than you, I'm bigger than you, and I'm stronger than you", but it's a lie. Don't buy in. You know how to do this.