Oh, and as I've been sitting here thinking about the inherently damaging nature of Shame, I remembered something that made me feel sad a while back..
I was walking along a small Street and there was a family (mum, dad, girl maybe 13 and little brother) walking along. The girl was being a teenager: being a bit sulky and asking when they could go home; complaining she was bored, etc. The dad walking in front stopped and looked so angry it was a bit scary. He didn't shout though. He leaned way, way into her face and whispered really aggressively at her. She kind of flinched back. I couldn't hear anything he said, but the look on that girls face afterwards was heartbreaking. Sure, she wasn't being particularly fun or pleasant, but she also didn't do anything so bad to be made to feel like she was obviously left feeling. Her whole face and demeanour changed. Whatever he said broke that girl for a time. Just watching and seeing her body language and facial expression, and the shame in her eyes kinda smacked me in the face. For a moment I felt that old shame again. It was all I could do not to run over and give that girl a hug.
Thing is, when it was me, it wasn't a parent whispering that **** in my face. It was me. Over and over, like whipping myself on the inside, til my heart and soul were a mass of welts. But nowadays I'm sure that God doesn't want us to inflict that pain on anyone. Not someone else, and not on ourselves.
Sorry if that's a bit of a ramble. X