Hug. BC, most of us come to sobriety having hurt people.
When I arrived I was full of shame for some harms I'd done. And anger over other harms that I'd somehow (in my insanity) managed to convince myself weren't my fault, and that actually it was ME who was the victim. I was full of shame and rage and completely lacked hope. And I stayed that way for the first 6 months of my sobriety. In the end it was the 12-step program that helped me work through all this stuff in a safe, methodical way (not laying awake at 2 in the morning whooshing it all rounds and round my head, or sobbing at traffic lights in my commute, or in those stomach churning moments when my memories accosted me in commercial breaks, etc - that was just me being stuck in the Vortex, although my AV did have me convinced that this was actually my way of working through this stuff like the other AAers did with their step work and sponsors.)
The step work, when I finally gave it a go, allowed me to suss out which character flaws of mine had been at play when I did those harms and formed those resentments, etc. that were on my inventories, and understand which were my part in events and what were other people's parts (I'd got myself very confused about some early events and was blaming my young self for some awful things, but not seeing where my part actually was - once I'd worked out that stuff out it was easier to start growing past it). Then of course, working out ways to make amends that won't harm others further - I was very grateful for my sponsors experience and wisdom on that score, as I'm sure I'd have gone rushing in headfirst in some instances and done more harm than good.
I'll always be grateful for my opportunity to do this work (although it wasn't a walk in the park) because I suspect that my deep shame was one of the things that kept me isolated. Isolated from my friends and family, and people in general, but more importantly it meant I was isolating myself from God. Sure, I was going to church and even taking communion, but I didn't even realise that I wasn't really trusting him and the promises we read in the Bible. I hadn't properly processed the simple truth, that God doesn't forgive us because we deserve it. He does it because of his amazing, amazing Grace and because Jesus died on that cross to pay upfront for our sins.
So, Talitha Cumi: Little girl, awaken.
'Awake, O Sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." (Ephesians 5:14)
Oh, and that iced peppermint chocolate thing sounds amazing!!!
Xx