Thanks to all who commented.
Right now, I'm lying in a bed--trying to relax while my husband gets the kids to bed. Deep breathes and quiet. Much needed in my life. When I was young, I loved when it snowed. I would go outside and just sit and listen. The world was so quiet and calm. . I wish it would snow.
I've been overwhelmed, stressed, isolated, depressed for awhile now. This may be my breaking point or my breakdown.
I don't EVER get a break--cooking, cleaning, running after 2 year old, taking other kid to practice, games, tournaments, etc. so I turn to alcohol to relax,numb and check out.
If I continue this way, I'll die from alcohol. I need to find time and to take care of me. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I know that I have to.