Sodevastated......while it is normal to have the "baby blues" for a few days after the birth, it is generally mild and transient....
As a medical person, I believe that the kinds of thoughts you are having, and the difficult situation that you are experiencing is deserving of medical attention. I encourage you to tell your obstetrical doctor and ask for an immediate consult with a mental health professional.....You need in-person contact.....
Postpartum depression is something that everyone needs to be aware of as a possibility......
How are your parents behaving since the birth of the baby? How much help and attention are you receiving?
There is help,,,and, you can feel better......
Don't try to go this alone......
I am glad that you are talking with us!!!