I'm sure everyone is right on everything above. I felt much stronger yesterday than today, not sure why. I keep thinking about how, before my dad died 2 years ago, I got deeply depressed which made my drinking worse. I just feel like there are multiple events I was at where I just acted in a way others would surely consider odd, bc I don't necessarily seem under the influence when I am. I've heard this often by friends/family. Basically, I'm so ashamed and embarrassed by my behavior, which surely made me unlikeable to many, that it's making me WANT to drink to soothe my embarrassment, at least temporarily. I'm not sure how I can come to peace with that past. I hate it, be if I had some illness like cancer I could tell people that, but being depressed/alcoholic is not what I personally would feel comfortable sharing with, for instance, people in my neighborhood. I feel like there's a lot of people that look at me like, "that girl's weird and got issues", and I hate that. My friends/family/co-workers know the real me and it crushes me to think of those who think that sick me is the real me, not knowing I was/am sick. Any advice I'd appreciate greatly.