Feeling Overwhelmed
I'm feeling overwhelmed with life these days. I know that, in large part, it's due to my drinking. The wife and I just had a chat. I haven't been keeping up on things around the house. When I drink, I have absolutely no motivation to do anything, so things just remain undone. Then I detox after yet another bender and am out of sorts for another three or four days. It's hard to fathom the total selfishness of my behavior when I drink.
When I have a week or two of sobriety, things start to change. I wake up earlier, don't stay up all night drinking, and have more energy and motivation to actually do things around the house. I feel good about life, in general, when sober. I need sobriety to stick this time. I want to be an engaged father and husband. I don't want to feel overwhelmed, unmotivated, and sick any longer. I want to be sober more than I want to drink (which, right now, is none with the withdrawals; but I know the urge will return at some point).
Almost done with day two. Just another few hours. I've made it to 18 days twice since January. The longest I've gone without drinking in maybe 20+ years is 33 days, about 6 1/2 years ago. That was done out of guilt for some very horrible and dangerous drunken behavior. Pathetic. This time, as much as I'm struggling, I'm actually trying to get sober because I desire it. I need the calm back in my life. More plainly, I just need my life back, period. This recurring nightmare has gone on long enough.
Have a peaceful, sober remainder of your weekend, everyone.