Tears flowing and it is hard-want to validate your feelings. Also want to validate that our children give us a higher purpose and love that can help in so many areas-and I pray for this for you.
Please know, as said by many above...you are NOT alone and please reach out if you feel that way. Have had too much experience with that, and it is NOT healthy for you-so please make sure you stay connected here. It is really important to know that you are cared about in the midst of pain...and as you allow your body to process through the pain (in it's own time and place).
Praying for you and that you receive comfort in all the best and most unexpected ways.