sodevestated......zoso is right about not knowing what surprises are around the bend.......
I will, also, tell you a story about future tripping fears....When I had my first son, he was the apple of my eye....I loved him so much.
However, when I thought of having another child...I felt very afraid and guilty...because I just KNEW that I would never love another thing as much as my son....In my mind< I feared that I would die, inside for not loving my second child as much as the first one!! I worried, endless hours, about this thing....and, I was too ashamed to talk to anybody about this feeling.....
Well, I DID have another child...a brother, to my first child.....and, guess what? I LOVED HIM AS MUCH AS I LOVED THE FIRST ONE!! Then, I had a sister for them, and I loved her as much as I loved them!!
There was no way I could know this until I experienced it. Mother Nature had arranged things that I couldn't possibly know.
Our ability to love grows. Our capacity to love is not limited. We are not just given a certain amount of love...and, then it runs out when we have used it all up....lol....
We never use it all up....
Hope springs eternal....
My dear, you will have joy again, you will laugh, again, and the Sun will come out again.....
I promise you...you will not always feel the way you do, now!!