Originally Posted by
zoso77 
Well, your baby is a gift, perhaps your husband's final gift to you. And I'm not going to presume that once your baby is born, all will be OK because that's not how it works.
You're going to mourn. You're going to grieve. You're going to cry, and be angry, and want to throw stuff, and feel everything in between. But all the while, you're going to have a miracle in front of you: your baby. And you get to shape your baby's life for the better. It is, at once, a tremendous responsibility and a unbelievable gift.
So keep doing what you're doing. Post. Reach out. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you're feeling, because it's all normal.
And know, during this time of year, that each and every one of us here at FFSA has your back.
Thank you for your post Zoso. Yeah, you're right about that the baby is the final gift from my husband. It just hurts so bad that he won't be here to see his son. It's tearing me apart. I'm happy to have my son but I'm just so sad he won't have a dad, ever. We're half a family without him. It feels as if some of that is my fault because I knew my AH had had addiction problems when we met, but I still chose to be with him and that is why my son will be fatherless.
This is exactly what I'm going to do (you are so right about it) :
" You're going to mourn. You're going to grieve. You're going to cry, and be angry, and want to throw stuff, and feel everything in between".
I will probably also feel like kicking my AH'S b*tt for not being around and for abandoning us. I think my life will be a rollercoaster ride for years from now but I hope that my son will be my joy in all of that, as you mentioned. I will fight for my son and what is best for him AND to protect him from the very thing I could not protect his dad from - drugs and addiction.
Thank you for being there for me and for your support. Take care of you too 💜