Sodevastated

Of, course I don't mind sharing anything with you. You ( all of you on the board) have been my lifeboat through all of this and I couldn't have done it without you. It feels good to share with you, and that you're interested in me sharing my thoughts, experiences etc.,having the energy to read what feels like ranting. Thankful for that.

Everything is prepared for the baby, except for me myself. I'm so afraid of how it will be having this baby in front of me- will I be able to take care of it? Will it remind me of my husband to that extent that I will cry my eyes out? Will it imply more pain than hapiness? So afraid that's going to happen. How to make it as a single parent already from the start? Afraid of so many things concerning the baby and me becoming a mom.

Me and little baby Aaron are going to stay in my old room ( since I'm staying at my parents house for now). It's not much of a nursery but he will have a lovely white crib with a zebra on and beige bedding with giraffes and bears on. I've also bought small, cuddly bears to put in his crib and a cute mobile with animals. I've bought diapers, oils and a lot of that kind of stuff and lots of cute clothes. I've stopped buying stuff for myself and instead I'm buying everything for him. There are so many cute things out there for babies. He will be dressed as Santa on Christmas Eve, found such a cute outfit for Aaron 😊

When I get back to my apartment I will arrange Aaron's nursery the way I want it - with children's curtains, lamps, carpet, pictures etc. A room of his own. Unfortunately, I haven't had a baby shower. A friend of mine wanted to throw me one, but I have been to depressed and in too much grief to bother about that 😯.

You will be with me all the way on this journey ❤