Originally Posted by
FireSprite 
Yep, me too. True self-acceptance negated the need for external validation.
(cough, cough) Brene Brown's work helped me tremendously in this area. She speaks about this specific topic often in her books/videos.
In NO way to I expect to be liked all the time, never mind loved. People form their opinions & ideas of good/bad normal/not over many years & through the lens of their own life experiences. I don't aim for total acceptance, I aim for aligning myself with those who share enough of my own perspective to develop deeper relationships.
In the cases where I can't control that - like at work I'm exposed to co-workers that I have no say over hiring/firing - it's all about boundaries, detachment & not taking their opinions personally.
Ok, so I just told my bf about Brene Brown this AM because he told me about a program that he attended a few years ago that was a weekend event hosted by Landmark Worldwide. He was telling me that it was a program aimed at getting people to practice leaving their pasts behind them, focusing on their futures and their goals, and then they did exercises over the weekend where they basically did a crash course 12 step program, in some ways.
I was telling him about Brene Brown's work and we started discussing Tony Robbins and various other mentorship/teaching/self improvement/self awareness programs earlier today.
Anyway, I love Brene's work and Byron Katie's work called, "Loving What Is" has been very helpful to me, as well.
Thank you all for responding. Would love to hear more. See, one thing my bf mentioned that I tend to agree with is that I will say, "Yes, I know. I shouldn't take it personally and I know, in my heart, that I don't have to be perfect", but he asked me, "Is that true? Or do you just say it but not really believe it deep down?" UGH......
See, I have a fake it until I make it mentality. I know what to say, I know what a healthy perspective is but I don't always know how to 'be' that way. I don't always know how to practice it even if I understand the concept. I say I know I don't have to be perfect and I want to exhibit that in my life, but when I break a dish or misinterpret something or hurt someone's feelings unintentionally, I beat myself up for not being better or for not apologizing fast enough or whatever. I hate being 'less than'.