Thing is, we do want to help, but basically all people can do is say what worked for us and others we know, and make suggestions. You would need to find the willingness to try some of the suggestions, or at least to try doing things differently to how you're doing them at the moment. If it was as simple as just stopping then you'd have done it by now. You know, our problems aren't what make us drink. What makes us drink is the delusion that alcohol will solve the problems. But actually there isn't a problem in the world that alcohol doesn't make worse given time.
Dee's thread has some great information / links to help you make your own plan of recovery, so could be a good place to start.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
It sounds like you have excessive time on your hands and you're a bit lonely (possibly isolated). You already know that there are people you could meet up with for support and fellowship local to you. Last time that AA route was not one you were willing to try. Is it something you might consider now? If you go a couple of times to see what its like you would be under no obligation to carry on going if you didn't get on with it.
Also, when finding ways to get out of the house, meet others and feel useful, maybe you could think about the ways you most enjoyed helping your own children over the years and investigate whether there are some volunteering opportunities locally where you could use those skills. Everyone's a winner when we volunteer. It keeps us occupied, helps us to stave off self-pity, and helps us to realise that we can make a difference in a good way. It gives a gift of hope and fellowship, both to the people you're helping, and also to ourself.
Perhaps you could investigate clubs and societies in your area and find one or two to try out. Not just think about it, but DO it. Phone the numbers on the posters, turn up, give it a go.
One thing is for certain. If nothing changes, nothing changes. And there is only one person who can be instrumental in effecting that change. That is ourself. Sometimes we have to get really really uncomfortable where we are to find the willingness to make those changes. Are you uncomfortable enough yet? I hope so.
Whatever you decide, keep reading and posting. This community has been a real sobriety - saver for me and plenty of others. I wish you all the best for your sobriety, and in reclaiming your life through taking action in recovery. BB