Em go to AA. The only demon about AA meetings lives inside people who feel uncomfortable with the notion of an 'alcoholic'. Call it what you will- you have identified your behaviour changes markedly with drinking to the point it clashes with your sober self. There is no harm in reaching out for help. Perhaps also talk to your doctor, or go to a SMART meeting. Whatever you do- don't just rationalise your feelings away or run away from it. Also- read around the threads here. Welcome, keep posting. PJ