TC
I very much remember you and your story, although you knew me under a different name. Even though you were not part of his daily chaos any longer, the pain you feel is no less valid at his loss, and I'm just so sorry!!
And yes, grief is very intense. My husband passed in October 2015 (not an alcoholic--but suddenly and unexpectedly). I do understand. I hope you are supported by family and friends in the coming days, weeks, and months!
You have my deepest sympaties.