Funeral tomorrow
I haven't been here in several years, but this forum gave me great strength and resolve when I needed it most.
My ex-husband, the father of my eldest son, the man I loved, screamed at, begged, prayed for, wept over, has died.
At 42.
Alone in a hotel room, surrounded by empty bottles.
It is heartbreaking and unfair. He drank when I loved and lived with him. He drank when I left. His pain was too great for me to shoulder, and now he has gone.
I am a mess of emotion. All of the anger that propelled me forward and out of our alcoholic/codependent dance had long ago mellowed to peace, and I am surprised by my intense and terrible grief. With anger gone, and no more need for distance, I swim in sorrow for him. For all of those who face this horror.