Hi, Ginny--I looked back at your past posts and it seems you've only posted in 2 threads besides this one, both of which you started yourself. What I can't see is how much reading you've been doing here. Have you been reading other people's threads? Have you taken some time to look through the stickies at the top of the page? Are you attending Alanon or Celebrate Recovery? In short, are YOU putting in the time and effort for your own education and recovery?
I also thought recovery was all AH's job. I sat back and did nothing for myself while he "attended meetings" for 4 years. Things didn't get better. In fact, they seemed to get worse. Long story short, he'd been faking all along. And there I was, 4 more years down the drain, and no farther ahead in my own life b/c I'd left it to HIM to recover for both of us...shortly after that, I found SR and my life began to change.
One of the things I've noticed in my time at SR is that those who read and post in other people's threads are those who seem to get the most out of this forum. Keeping the focus narrow and on our own specific situation doesn't seem to help nearly as much as getting some perspective and some information, and the way to do that is to participate in the discussions, offer support when you can, even if it's only a simple "good job!" or "I'm sorry that happened to you."
They say to A's to "work your recovery as hard as you worked your drinking", which it sounds like he is. Are you working your recovery as hard as you worked your worrying/anger/complaining/codependency/controlling? I know I sure didn't, not for a long time! Once you start, though, your life really does begin to change, in ways you never imagined.
I'll leave you w/this quote: Recovery is being asked to give up everything you know to get something better that you don't understand yet.
Best wishes, Ginny, and congrats to your hub on his recovery thus far.