Originally Posted by
Hawkeye13 
Just a thought fmb--stopping drinking and recovery are not the same thing.
He may be dry, but it doesn't sound like he has dealt with underlying issues that led to drinking
in the first place. Without that, denial becomes a new and terrible "coping mechanism"
Maybe that's part of the mystery--recovery looks like recovery,
but what he's done is run and hide, surrounding himself with distractions.
It won't work in the long run.
I hope things work out with your son--sending you both the best
This was going to be my question, too. My XAH was actually dry for 15 years but he drank while we were engaged and had a run in with the law so I told him I wouldn't marry him if he were still actively drinking. At the time, I didn't know about AA or recovery and so he quit cold turkey and I thought our problems were solved.
When, in actuality, he got worse and we were newly married and I was floundering wondering what the hell was going on. He stayed dry for 15 years but I finally learned that sobriety of mind, body, and soul was truly needed to be considered in recovery. He also had underlying mental health conditions that were untreated and everything just came to head over time. You can only hide general depression and personality disorders for so long.
Sending you lots of hugs and support.