Last January (12 January 2016) my AEx moved out from this country and my recovery started. I "relapsed" and was in touch with him for about 4 month from May to August, but other than that it was no contact.
For those who dont know my story, we moved country together and now, its only me (he returned to his country of origin). Since he left, I worked hard on myself (read lots of books on addiction / codependency / sociopathy and listened "self help" podcasts). I also found new friends, crossfit gym and got better position in my company.
Genuenly, I am happy, but I dont have any really good friends here and that makes me miss my home country a lot. I started to journal and it helps me a lot. While I truly believed and worked on this relationship, he was just trying to destroy it. For a year he was just taking and draining me financially and mentally. I am happy he is gone from my life and I never want to have anything to do with him ever again, but there hasnt been a day I wouldnt think of him at least once (in bad and good). He tought me valuable lesson that I am sort of glad for, but he also screwed me pretty much and its still hard to believe I meant that little to him.
Recently, I decided to join my friends for holidays in Asia, I feel like I really need to go and just relax and explore new places. We are leaving on 12th January 17 - the same date my ex left year ago. I look at this as a fres start (but I probably build this up in my head way too much).
Overall, I am not capable to decide whether to stay in this country or find new job and move back home. I try to save up as much as I can so I woudl have options open.
Lately I have been thinking that perhaps I could start dating again, do you think its too early? I dont want to stay in this country for one person so I thought I should not go out with anyone and just read more books
.
I literally am not capable to make single big decision nearly year after he left. Also, I have never been anxious but now. Dont know how to process this at all.
Sorry that this has been so long. I have had this weak moment lasting about 2 weeks now and I had to share.
Thank you for reading