Originally Posted by
confused0507 
Why do I have the massive feeling of guilt, and that I am abandoning her and like I am the one giving up?
Sorry for the lengthy post.......
This sounds like it has been hellish on you Confused.
I would hazard a response to your question: you feel guilty because you are a decent person who cares about his family. Asking for a divorce is tragic but with an alcoholic spouse sometimes it is the only thing you can do to save yourself and your children.
There are lots of arguments here and elsewhere about whether alcoholism is a disease or not. Personally I believe it is waaay worse than a disease but we don't have a word for it so we use disease. There is certainly an element of choice in addiction.
Please take the best care you can of yourself right now. What you are doing is beyond excruciating no matter how right it is.
May all the angels of the universe bombard you and your family.