S&H please seek help this is definitely not the answer - my Dad did exactly what you have tried and the pain some 17 years later for all of those he left behind is very hard to bear, please please seek help - I have also felt extremely desperate myself at times where the only solution seems to be the one you considered having gone through it with my dad theres no way I could transfer that pain to my family no matter how tough things are - please believe me when I say anything no matter what it is can be sorted out and mended with the right help - this is not the answer.
Please stop drinking and please seek help - we all care and we all want to hear from you.